Rejected Jokes / Recent Jokes

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than more...

The warden of the prison walked into Death Row and stopped in front of one of the cells.

He said to the inmate, "I'm sorry but the Governor has rejected your plea for clemency and the execution will have to go forward. Do you have any last wishes or requests?"

The prisoner thought a moment and he said, "I would like to do the Macarena one last time before I die."

They agreed that this was a reasonable last request. He stopped in front of another cell. "I'm sorry but your plea for clemency was rejected as well and we will have to execute you after him. Do you have any last wishes or requests?"

The second condemned man looked at the first prisoner for a moment and then said, "Could you PLEASE kill me first?"

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter' penis.'
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

APPLICANTS for a job asked to appear before an interview board were told that the candidate who gave the briefest reply would be selected. First came a young man from Lucknow. Being a well-bred Lukhnavi, he knocked gently on the door and asked,' Sir, have I Your Honour's permission to come in?'
'Rejected!' replied the Chairman of the Selection Board.
The second was an equally well-bred Tamilian:' May I enter, Sir?' he asked.
'Rejected!' bawled the Chairman of the Board.
The third was a Punjabi. He pushed open the door and asked,' Vadaan?' (Enter?)
'Selected!' replied the Chairman.

REJECTED HALLMARK CARDS
1. So your Daughters a hooker and it spoiled your day... look on the bright side, she's a really good lay.
2. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
3. You had your Bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of depends.
4. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! Cause when I had mine I felt real snippy.
5. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
6. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry

Jay Leno Jokes from the Tonight Show... Pharmaceutical companies that make birth control pills are telling teenage girls that taking the pill can help clear up their skin. Do you think that's true? I think there is a better chance of clearing up the boyfriend's skin. .. Fashion experts say that President Bush is helping bring back cowboy boots and cowboy hats. See, so it is not just for male strippers anymore. .. LeAnn Rimes apologized to fans for the quality of her new album. Isn't that unbelievable? If LeAnn Rimes has to apologize for her album, what the heck is Kathie Lee going to do, commit suicide? In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hugh Hefner admitted having 7 girlfriends, one for each night of the week. .. Someone should tell him those are called nurses. He said they all have sex together in the same bed. He said Viagra makes it possible. .. I think money makes it possible! Surgeons in Britain amputated the hand of the world's first hand transplant patient because the more...

Rejected Hallmark Cards:
So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.
My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat... Sorry.
You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy.
Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
Your computer is dead... it was once so alive Don't you regret installing Windows 95?
You totalled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?