Red Jokes / Recent Jokes
Your so fat that when you walk outside in a red shirt everyone Shouts' Kool Aid, Kool Aid'
Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of
the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship?
Psychiatrists claim the other two danger zones are teaching your
mate to drive and wallpapering. They are rarely wrong on these
things. We therefore rush to print with an emergency prompt list
of Things Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.
"You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow,
red, red, green, blue..."
"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
"What the heck do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knot?"
"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry
that sucker."
"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse more...
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard.
As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went right on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.
This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and more...
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making
dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a
good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of
a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike
for his birthday.
Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.
Johnny's mother wanted Johnny to reflect on his behavior over
the last year. "Go to your room, Johnny, and think about how
you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike
for your birthday." Little Johnny stomped over to his room and
sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1:
Dear God,
I have been more...
What are the reasons a man wouldn't want to come back to life as an egg? 1- He only gets laid once.. 2- It takes him 4 and a half minutes to get hard 3- The only person to sit on his face is his mother
What do u call a red bucket?
A red bucket
What do u call a blue bucket?
A red bucket in disguise.
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate,' Bring me my red shirt!'
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed,' Bring me my red shirt!'
And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,' Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the more...