Reason Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"So, here you are: a dozen reasons to be glad the automotive industry hasn't kept up with the computer industry:1. Every time you wanted to drive on a different road, you would have to buy a new car.2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.3. Occasionally, executing a common maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.4. Traffic jams would be known as lag, and you'd accept them as well.5. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you more...

After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, an unhappy
husband finally confronted her.
"Admit it, Linda," he said, "The only reason you married me is because
my grandfather left me $10 million."
"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left it to
you."

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1, 000 miles to the gallon."

General Motors has issued a press release stating:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. more...

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even more...

1.Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.
2.I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants
3.I could leave the toilet seat in any position I want
4.I could actually tell the bartender If anyone calls I'm here
5.I'd be painting the town instead of the house.
6.When I get home after work, I don't have to start work again.
7.I could show my girlfriend where I live.
8.I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan.
9.The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm rolling.
10.I would have saved alot of money in groceries by now.
11.I'd get to see what my paycheck looks like.
12.I'd get to see what my credit cards look like.
13.You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day
14.Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws
15.I wouldn't have to watch sub-titled French films
16.I could use my own name at hotels
17.When more...

You'll never find anyone who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

If there really is a God more...

Resume of: Shaynana Chiquita Shanekia "Pookie" Jones ADDRESS: 2036 South Side Skreet, Compton, CA 11122 PHONE: Cut off right now but will be back on by the 15th OBJECTIVE: To one day forefill my dream of bein'a Soul Train danca and you know just gittin' my life togetha and stuff. I also hope to one day be the best cosmotologecalist (you know what I mean)Beauty Speciacalist) there is in my hood. SKILLS: I do hurh (hair) and nails in my kitchen and I be using my glitter and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I be doing braids in any texture or color: synthetic or real human hurh. Black, blonde, brown, dark brown, dark black, gold blonde, dark gold blonde,red, maroon,blue and rainbo colors. EDUCATION: THE "GET YOURS" HOME CORREPONDENCE COURSE, INC. BIG MAMA'S HOUSE OF HAIR N' NAILS N' FRIED CHICKEN N' GREENS (gradmuated with honors for the most extenzions done in a year's time). WORK EXPERIENCE: Big Daddy's Motel Motor Lodge Bar & Grill Pool Hall & Bait more...