Reality Jokes / Recent Jokes
CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?
YUPPIE:
Live tree, planted after use
MALE:
Fake tree, discarded after use
FEMALE:
Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits
REALITY:
Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur-balls
CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?
YUPPIE:
Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm
MALE:
Bulbs flash logo of football team
FEMALE:
Elegant flickering candles
REALITY:
Tree bursts into flames, burns house down
CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?
YUPPIE:
Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype
MALE:
Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt
FEMALE:
Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas
REALITY:
Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts
CONTROVERSY: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?
YUPPIE:
Empower each strand with self-determining more...
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
So many stupid people... so few comets.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I Brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control.
Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn signal.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I love cats... they taste just like chicken.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
If you don't like the news, more...
50 Cent has a business-centered reality show on MTV. Some of it is based on book smarts, but most is based on common sent.
100, 000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real more...
Women are, for the most part, not well suited to accept reality or to think logically.
they will approach a situation with their mind already made up, then they will twist and
manipulate the information to validate what they're already thinking.
So their views on reality are usually messed up. and their process for
arguing/interacting is not based on reality, instead it's based on whatever irrational tools will help them
prove their point (screaming, personal attacks, red herrings, etc).
My wife gave me a lesson the other night on User Interface Problems, that really points up some of the differences between the sexes. We were watching CNN's Technology program they have on weekends, when a segment on Virtual Reality came on. Looking at the all the wires and gadgets, she turned to me and said that Virtual Reality would never catch on with women. I was puzzled by this, until she explained, "Every woman's first thought on seeing that helmet will be,' I can't wear that. It will mess up my hair!'"