Rains Jokes / Recent Jokes

A very short lady goes to her doctor's office complaining of an irritated crotch. After examining her, the doctor says, "I don't seem to see any problem. Does it get better or worse at any time?"
"Yes, it's really bad whenever it rains," she replies.
"Well, then," says the doctor, "the next time it rains, get here immediately and I'll take another look."
Two weeks later it's raining really hard, so the little lady shows up at the doctor's office. "Doctor, it's really bad today. Please you have to help me!" she pleads.
"Well, let's have a look," he says as he lifts her up onto the table.
"Oh, yes, I see the problem. Nurse bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit," says the doctor.
The short lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation. The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. "There you go, try that," he says.
She walks back and forth more...

Jesus and Satan were having an argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So, down they sat at the keyboards and typed away.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They sent faxes.
They sent out e-mail.
They sent out e-mail with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did some genealogy reports.
They made cards.
They did every known job.
But just a few minutes before the two hours were up, a streak of lightning flashed from the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard. And the electricity went off.
Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and he ranted and raved. All to no avail. The electricity stayed off. But after a bit the rains stopped and the electricity came back on.
Satan screamed, "I more...

Recently during the heavy rains they have experienced in New England the mail carrier for one neighborhood commeneted on the "pouring rain." Well, atleast the dew point is coming down!

There were three women who always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, of course, the laundry always gets wet - all the laundry, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.

So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie,' How come when it rains, your laundry is never out?'

'Well,' says Sophie,' when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Paul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash.'

'What if it is pointed up?' asks one of the women.

'Honey,' says Sophie,' on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!'

A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:

"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley`s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."

EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:

"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley`s Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."

COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:

"By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley`s Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in more...

It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."
"What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.
"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry*!"