Quality Jokes / Recent Jokes
Buying paint from a hardware store:Customer: Hi, how much is your paint? Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like? Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please. Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
Buying paint from an airline:Customer: Hi, How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, Sir that all depends. Customer: Depends on what? Clerk: Actually, a lot of things. Customer: How about giving me an average price? Clerk: Wow that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon. Customer: What's the difference in the paint? Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference, it's all the same paint. Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint. Clerk: Well, First I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it? Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off. Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is $200 paint. Customer: What? When would I have to paint more...
A Quality Analysis Engineer married an average girl.
After 24 months of tough life with her, finally the Engineer got angry and sent a note to his father-in-law stating that:
'YOUR PRODUCT IS NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS'
The smart father-in-law replies,
'WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE'
Welcome to Managed Caring(tm), a whole new way of thinking about friendship. The Managed Caring Plan(tm) combines all the advantages of a "traditional" friendship network with important cost-saving features.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
Under the Plan, you choose your friends from a network of pre-screened accredited Friendship Providers. All your friendship needs are met by members of your Managed Caring(tm) panel.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY FRIENDS?
If you're like most people, you're probably receiving Friendship Services from a network of Providers haphazardly patched together based on where you've lived, worked, or gone to school. The result is costly duplication, inefficiency and conflict. Some Providers may not meet national standards, responding to your needs with inappropriate, outmoded, or experimental behavior. Under Managed Caring(tm), your friendship needs are coordinated by a designated Best Friend, who Cares(tm) about the quality of all your Friendships.
HOW more...
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper __ Other Book __ Television __ Divine Inspiration __ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience __ Bible __ Other __ Torah (specify): _____________
2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot __ Lottery __ Horoscope __ Television __ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers __ Self-help books __ Sex __ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs __ Mantras __ Other: ______________________________________ __ Insurance policies __ None
3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced more...
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper __ Other Book
__ Television __ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience
__ Bible __ Other
__ Torah (specify): _____________
2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot __ Lottery
__ Horoscope __ Television
__ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers
__ Self-help books __ Sex
__ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs
__ Mantras __ Other: ______________________________________
__ Insurance policies __ None
3. God employs a limited degree of Divine more...
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.1. How did you find out about God? __ Newspaper __ Other Book__ Television __ Divine Inspiration__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience__ Bible __ Other__ Torah (specify): _____________2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.__ Tarot __ Lottery__ Horoscope __ Television__ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers__ Self-help books __ Sex__ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs__ Mantras __ Other: ________________________________________ Insurance policies __ None3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. more...
Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. Doug Larson