Punched Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move.So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. "Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"

    A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.
    The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.
    The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance.
    He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.
    The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.
    The doctor thought for a more...

    Editor's note: Someone forwarded me this little essay, and although I really don't know the point, it's weird enough to warrant a posting.

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    i like monkeys

    the pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. i thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand. i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so i bought 200 of them. i like monkeys.

    i took my 200 monkeys home. i have a big car. i let one drive. his name was signund. he was retarded. in fact, none of them were really bright. they kept punching themselves in the genitals. i laughed. they punched me in the genitals. i stopped laughing.

    i herded them into my room. they didn't adapt very well to their new environment. they would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. altough humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into the third hour.

    two hours later, i found out why all more...

    There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

    As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.

    Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

    By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much, so then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said..........

    "Not very" strong tonight, are you Batman?"

    Martha says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Martha. Grow up.

    The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did all the other cues came crashing to the floor. "Sorry," he said with a smile.

    If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.

    Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.

    If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let more...

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