Proof Jokes / Recent Jokes
NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES: The water-proof towel Glow in the dark sunglasses Solar powered flashlight Submarine screen door A book on how to read Inflatable dart board A dictionary index Powdered water Pedal powered wheel chair Water proof tea bags Zero proof alcohol Reusable ice cubes Skinless bananas Do it yourself roadmap
My son is proof that anyone can be successful enough to drive a BMW or Mercedes. And besides, he looks so cute in his valet parking attendant uniform.
"First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be." -- Jacques Futrelle, "The Problem of Cell 13"Most mathematicians are familiar with -- or have at least seen references in the literature to -- the equation 2 + 2 = 4. However, the less well known equation 2 + 2 = 5 also has a rich, complex history behind it. Like any other complex quantitiy, this history has a real part and an imaginary part; we shall deal exclusively with the latter here. Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope more...
Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later.
Prefers three left turns to one right turn.
Pressure’s up, but there’s a slow leak somewhere.
Produces a zero-length core dump.
Proof God has a sense of humor.
Proof of Einstein’s theory that there is no limit to human stupidity.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Put a lens in each ear and you’ve got a telescope.
Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn’t annoying.
Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway.
Qualifies for the mental express line - five thoughts or less. - MacNelly
Quotes entire letters/articles as responses and hides her one line of wisdom in the middle.
Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he’d come in third.
Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk.
Reads her newspaper back-to-front.
Posts empty articles to Usenet, and enjoys rereading them later.
Prefers three left turns to one right turn.
Pressure's up, but there's a slow leak somewhere.
Produces a zero-length core dump.
Proof God has a sense of humor.
Proof of Einstein's theory that there is no limit to human stupidity.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Put a lens in each ear and you've got a telescope.
Puts a finger in his ear so the draft through his head isn't annoying.
Putting his brain on the edge of a razor blade would be like putting a pea on a six lane highway.
Qualifies for the mental express line -- five thoughts or less. -- MacNelly
Quotes entire letters/articles as responses and hides her one line of wisdom in the middle.
Racing fifty yards with a pregnant woman, he'd come in third.
Reading from an empty/blank/unformatted disk.
Reads her more...
The EquationEngineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows, Work = Power * TimeSince Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have: Work = Knowledge * MoneySolving for Money, we get: WorkMoney = ---------- KnowledgeThus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done. Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make. Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard's math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.