Programming Jokes / Recent Jokes

DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

CS Rep: LOVE Technical Support.
Customer: I'm not very technical, but I think I can do it if you talk me through. I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: It depends. What programs are running?
Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs will prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know more...

Beware of the Turing tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.

If we believe in data structures, we must believe in independent (hence simultaneous) processing. For why else would we collect items within a structure? Why do we tolerate languages that give us the one without the other?

In a 5 year period we get one superb programming language. Only we can't control when the 5 year period will be.

Over the centuries the Indians developed sign language for communicating phenomena of interest. Programmers from different tribes (FORTRAN, LISP, ALGOL, SNOBOL, etc.) could use one that doesn't require them to carry a blackboard on their ponies.

Documentation is like term insurance: It satisfies because almost no one who subscribes to it depends on its benefits.