Programmer Jokes / Recent Jokes

A programmer comes to a piano-player to have a look at his new grand piano, walks around, hems and finally, says,
-the keyboard is inconvenient-84keys, half of them functional, all unmarked, though, to press 'Shift' with a foot is a fresh idea.

APL is a write-only language. In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them. C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to. With C you can shoot yourself in the leg. With C++ you can reuse the bullet. A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard. PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or Fortran.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend - but a talking frog, now that's cool."

You Know You're a Programmer When...
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you are counting objects, you go ''0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, A, B, C, D...''.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When your wife says ''If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!'', and you chastise her for for omitting the ''else'' clause.
You try to s sleep(8 * 3600);
When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page..
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number...
When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
When you go to balance your checkbook and more...

All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, " Where is my father?" The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with " Your father is fishing in Michigan." The skeptical man said triumphantly, " You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years." " No", replied the super computer immediately. " Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.