Pro Jokes / Recent Jokes
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range.
The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards.
The golf pro says, "Not bad, Now hold your club as firmly as you hold your wife's breast."
The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!"
Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards.
Golf pro: "Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your husband's dick."
She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
Golf pro: "Not bad, now try taking the club out of your mouth."
Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft" The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro,"What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft". The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft". As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro,"The three of us hit completely different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong you answered the same exact answer each time. What is loft?" The pro says, "Lack of freaking talent."
A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club". When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing." She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards.
The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem...
How are we going to get more...
Two young blonde women were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the other ball somehow had gone directly in. The blondes tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling. After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions the pro asked, "Okay, so who was playing the yellow ball?"
James was playing a round of golf with the club pro one day. After 18 holes they went into the clubhouse. James asked the pro: "What do you think of my game?" The pro replied: "You should shortened your clubs by 1 inch." James asked if the pro thought this would help his game. To which the pro said, " No! It will help them fit in the trash can!"
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playinglike they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband hashis lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no,"youre gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like youd hold your wifes breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife cant wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, youre gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like youd hold your husbands penis." The wife listens carefully to the pros advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway. . . about 15 ft. more...
The Pro is my Shepherd, I shall not Slice. He maketh me to Drive Straight Down Green Fairways; He leadeth me Safely across Still Water-Hazards; He restoreth my Approach Shots. He Leadeth me in the Paths of Accuracy for my Game's Sake. Yea, though I chip through the Roughs in the shadows of Sand Traps, I will fear no Bogies. For his Advice is with me; His Putter and Irons, they comfort me. He prepareth my Strategy for me in the presence of mine Opponents; He anointeth my head with Confidence: The Cup will not be runneth over! Surely Birdies and Eagles shall follow me all the Rounds of my Life, And I will score in the Low Eighties. Amen.