Priest Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say,' Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have more...

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion. "What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest. "Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop." said the Priest. "Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi. "If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's possible for me to become a full Bishop." said the Priest. "O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi. The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal." "And then?" asked the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my more...

One day a priest and a nun went golfing.
The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy put. He shouted, "Damn, missed again."
The nun, shocked, warned him "God will get you for that."
The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning "God will get you for that!"
On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead.
A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!".

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their " Freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize."

The newly ordained young priest asked his monsignor a favor: Would the older and more experienced man audition the young man's handling of confessions, and give him a candid critique? The monsignor agreed, and at the end of the day called the priest to give his verdict.
"Quite good, on the whole," he said. "But I do have a suggestion. I'd have preferred to hear a few more' Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!' and fewer' Oh, wows!'"

Fed up of people making fun of him, Santa decided to change his religion. He joined a priest in a church as his assistant. One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called Santa D'costa (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him. Santa told him he would't know what to say, but the priest told him to stay with him for a little while and learn what to do.
Santa joined the priest and then followed him into the confessional. A few minutes later a woman came in and said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Woman:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many times?'
Woman:' Three times.'
Priest:' Say two Hail Marys, put $5. 00 in the charity box, and sin no more.'
A few minutes later a man entered the confessional. He said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Man:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many more...

A bum got on a subway car. He smelled of cheap women and cheap wine. He was
dirty and had a porno magazine in his pocket. When he got in he sat down next
to a priest and started reading the newspaper. After a few minutes, he asked
the priest how a person got arthritis. The priest replied that you got
arthritis by drinking too much, being with cheap women, not washing and
reading smut. The bum said oh, okay. After a few minutes, the priest started
to feel guilty and turned to the bum and apologized for snapping at him and
asked him why he wanted to know. The bum said that he read that the Pope had
arthritis.