Price Jokes / Recent Jokes
A competition was recently held to find out the most embarrassing moments in peoples lives. The following are the final four places.
Fourth Place.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of, her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself' right now', she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,' If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'.
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.
Third Place.
It was the day before my more...
Saint Peter is doing his thing, minding the Gates of Heaven, when he notices that the Gates are getting a bit shabby and shopworn and in need of repair. He goes outside to the line of people waiting to come "in" and asks "ARE THERE ANY CONTRACTORS HERE?" Three guys step foreward......... A Black Man, an Italian, and a Jew. Peter asks the three to inspect the Gates and then give a price, with a breakdown. First, the Black guy goes over and looks at the Gates. "I think $900. 00 should do it" he says. "That would be $300. for materials, $300. for labor, and $300 for me" "Great ", says PeterNext the Italian guy inspects the Gates. He takes a long time, pouring over every bit of what he surveys, then comes back to St. Peter and tells him that "These are the most wonderful, beautiful Gates!! They were almost certainly constructed in Italy, probably Florence, in the Renaissance! Pure Works of Art!" The price...$3, 000. I'll need more...
An economist is someone who gets rich explaining others why they are poor.
The last severe depression and banking crisis could not have been achieved by normal civil servants and politicians, it required economists involvement.
Contagion: A strory demostrating the possible outcomes from interlinkages in the financial markets.
Two economists sit down to play chess. They study the board for 24 hours and declare a stale-mate.
Q: What does it take to be a good economist?
A: An unshakeable grasp of the obvious!
Q: What`s the difference between mathematics and economics?
A: Mathematics is incomprehensible; economics just doesn`t make any sense.
An economist is someone who didn`t have enough personality to become an accountant.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Q: What`s the difference between a finance major and an economics major?
A: more...
A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. The business man got the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it.The operation went smoothly, and the doctor sent the business man a bill for $5,000 for his services. The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor responded to the letter with the following:1 Screw: $1.00Knowing how to put it in: $4,999Total: $5,000The business man never argued.
When they say and what they really mean...
* SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING - Next to a noisy bar.
* OLD WORLD CHARM - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.
* CONTEMPORARY FEELING - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
* CLOSE TO LAKES - Impossible to park from April to October.
* WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN - Previous owner removed supporting walls.
* SECURITY SYSTEM - Neighbor has a dog.
* NEEDS TLC - Major structural damage.
* UPDATED KITCHEN - Sink no longer overflows.
* MOTIVATED SELLER - Has been on the market for 14 years.
* CONVENIENT - Located on freeway entrance ramp.
* MINT - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.
* NEUTRAL DECOR - No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.
* MOVE IN CONDITION - Front door missing.
* COZY - No room larger than 9 x 6.
* LOWER LEVEL FAMILY ROOM - Ping Pong table over sewer more...
The Tearful Bride... A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," you don't understand." I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!""Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom." Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"
"Hi, Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am the shopping mall a couple of blocks from where you are. I just saw the most gorgeous mink coat. It's absolutely stunning! May I buy it?"
"What price are they asking?"
"Only $2,000."
"All right, if you like it that much, go ahead and get it."
"Ahhhh, and I also stopped at the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. They have one I really like. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price... and since we do need to exchange the one we bought last year... "
"How much did he quote you?"
"Only $65,000."
"Ok, but for that price I expect all the options to be included."
"Super! Ummm, before we hang up, there is one more thing... "
"What?"
"I know it might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and... well, I stopped by more...