Point Jokes / Recent Jokes

Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.
Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis.
Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)
Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will wupport your weight more...

Submitted by Birdman

At a rest stop, I went to... you know DROP A LOAD... Weeelllll I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarressed, "Doin Just Fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!"

At this point I am trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over to your place after awhile?"

Ok, this question is just wacky but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.

I tell him, "Well, I have company over so today is a bad day for me!"

Then I hear the more...

There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! more...

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A2: You won’t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you’re looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb…
A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) more...

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10, 000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later then you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy more...

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I want to ask where the bathroom is?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the whole room for the TV remote, just because they refuse to walk up to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
4. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that!?" No stupidnose, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling up there! What did you come here for?
5. When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
6. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how more...

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my pants when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Dang right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people who've lost something say, "It'll probably be in the last place
I look." Of course it is! Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it?
5. When people say while watching a film, "Did you see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
6. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's more...