Player Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some are getting tired of this ongoing saga. Since the media won't give it a rest and move on, we recommend playing the following game during any network or local news shows, "special reports," news magazines (i.e.,Dateline, 20/20, etc), talk shows, or any other appropriate TV shows.

Guaranteed to make watching this story more entertaining or your money back!

Beverages required to play the game: Each player must have a beer handy, a liquor appropriate for pouring shots is also required (tequila or rum is preferred).

RULES OF PLAY

- If a TV announcer says "Castro" everyone in the room must salute with their left hand. The last person to do so must take a shot. If anyone salutes with their right hand accidentally, they also have to take a shot.

- If the photo of the SWAT "gunman" is shown, everyone must act scared. The last person to do so must take a shot and then go into a closet until he is more...

A community orchestra was plagued by attendance problems. Several musicians were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every player in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one very faithful oboe player.
Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the oboist for her faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly responded "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the performance."

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can't march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost? A: A goalpost that can't march. Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes. Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section? A: Have them miss every other note. Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a' 57 Chevy? A: You can tune a' 57 Chevy. Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other? A: more...

Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?
A: Without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.

Don't marry a tennis player - love means nothing to them.

string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.
detaché: an indication that the trombones are to play with their slides removed.
glissando: a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
subito piano: indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a soloist.
risoluto: indicates to orchestras that they are to stubbornly maintain the correct tempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.
senza sordino: a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a few measures back.
preparatory beat: a threat made to singers, i. e., sing, or else....
crescendo: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
conductor: a musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
clef: something to jump from before the viola solo.

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how more...