Planes Jokes / Recent Jokes

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.""No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!"

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on. . .

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes more...

While on a United Airlines flight with her son, a mother noticed that the young boy appeared to be deep in thought.
Suddenly, he turned to her and said, "If big cats have baby cats and big dogs have baby dogs, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
Unable to think of an answer, the mother told him to ask the flight attendant. So, the boy asked the flight attendant, "If big cats have baby cats and big dogs have baby dogs, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
"Did your mother tell you to ask me?" asked the flight attendant.
"Yes," replied the little boy.
"Well, tell your mother that United always pulls out on time," the flight attendant said.

One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything: money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes -- anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles.

So there he was, he and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up.

He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money."

No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says, " OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."

Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."

Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my money, my more...

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned
to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats
have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The
mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the
stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and
big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The
boy said that she did. She then said, "Tell your mother that
Southwest always pulls out on time."

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas toChicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to hismother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldnt think ofan answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked thestewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, whydont big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did yourmother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So thestewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out ontime."

Saddam Hussein`s stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles.

The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK`d a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary schools will carry supersoakers, junior high patrols will carry paint guns, and shotguns will be used at high schools.

A severly disturbed geography teacher killed six people who did not know the capital of Scotland. Police say he`s still on the loose and remind everyone that the capital of Scotland is Edinburgh. (Carlin)

AT & T announced last week it will lay off up to 8, 000 employees. Ever conscious of its image, the company is promoting the layoffs as a new feature called job forwarding.

El Nino storms are affecting trade with Asian countries. A freighter bound for Long Beach Calif. with a cargo of yo-yos got more...