Pity Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Its a pity youve gone on hunger

    Its a pity youve gone on hunger strike, said the convicts girlfriend on visiting day. Why? Ive put a file in your cake.

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    What’S The Difference Between A Shame And A Pity?

    What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?

    If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.

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    Home on the Web

    Home on the Web
    (to the tune of "Home on the Range")
    VERSE: Oh give me a site where the links all work right - one that doesn't take too long to load - where the text can be seen on my 13-inch screen - one that offers a "no-Java" mode.
    REFRAIN: Home, home on the Web on my 486 IBM. Please take pity on me - I'm still on Netscape 3 with a 14.4-speed modem!
    VERSE: Though your video files give your pages some style I can't read them upon my PC; Massive graphics and sound crash my system, I've found, so please put in some "alt" tags for me!
    REFRAIN: Home, home on the Web on my 486 IBM Please take pity on me - I'm still on Netscape 3 with a 14.4-speed modem!
    VERSE: Please don't ask me to "chat" with your favorite cat; I don't have an IRC code. And don't ask me to buy games for Win 95 - My PC is way too darn old!
    REFRAIN: Home, home on the Web on my 486 IBM Please take pity on me - I'm still on Netscape 3 with a 14.4-speed more...

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    Reconnected After Birth (Washington Post Contest)

    In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to combine any two celebrities' overlapping names to create a new one. Some of our favorite entries:

    Mr. T.S. Eliot: "I pity the fool, wanderin' around half-deserted streets, walkin' on beaches, talkin' about peaches, mournin' his lost manhood. I pity the fool."

    Ponce de Leon Spinks: Boxer who searched in vain for the Fountain of Tooth

    Fat Albert Einstein: "Hey{+3}."

    Marion Barry Bonds: "The pitch set me up!"

    Al Frankenstein's Monster: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, gosh darn it, I'm a big fat idiot."

    Dean Martin Luther King: "I have a drink!"

    Mullah Omartha Stewart: Currently hiding in a tastefully decorated cave.

    Auntie Eminem: "Dorothy, git down in the cella/Cuz I ain't no Rockefella/I cain't take no persecutions/From you or them Lilliputians"

    Benedict Arnold more...

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    Pity the meek, for they

    Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

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