Piss Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. After he gets his beer
he calls the bartender, and asks him if he's a gambling man.
"It depends," replies the bartender.
"What if I told that I have $100 that says I can bite my own
ear?"
"Bulls@#t!"
So the man takes out his false teeth, and clamps them onto his
ear.
The bartender was pretty P. O. d when he saw that, but he still
gave him the $100.
Then the man tells the bartender that it really wasn't fair of
him to make that bet, since the bartender didn't realize that he had
false teeth, so he offers the bartender a chance to win back his money.
He offers the bartender double or nothing that he can bite his own eye
without removing his false teeth.
"Sure," agrees the bartender, thinking to himself,' there's no
way anybody can bite their own eye.'
Then the man proceeds to remove his glass eye, and bites it.
The more...

Two men are playing tennis, one man falls and hits his elbow and decides to go to the doctors, the other man says "Don't waste any money on the doctors, just go inside the store at the corner down the street, put $10 in the machine in the corner, piss in the cup, let it do its thing and a slip of paper will come out that tells you what you have". So he goes to the store puts ten dollars in the machine, pisses in the cup and out comes a piece of paper it says "You have tennis elbow take this ointment cream and apply it on your elbow 3-4 times a daily". So goes home wondering how it know what was wrong, and wanted to see if this machine is a real miracle worker, so he goes home and gets his sisters piss, brothers piss, dogs piss, and jacks-off in the cup goes back to the store, puts ten dollars in the machine and places the cup in the machine. The paper comes out and says "Your sister has gonorrhea, your brother is gay, your dog has worms, and if you keep more...

One day Ima go to New York to a Bigga Hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two piss toast. She branga me only onea piss. I tell her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet, I say no understand. I wanna two piss on the plate. She say you better no piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later, I go to eat soma lunch at the Drake Restaurant, the waitress bring me a spoon, and a knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tellsa me everybody wanna fock. I tell her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room inna hotel, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tell him I wanna sheet. He tells me go to the toliet. So I say you no understand, I wanna sheet on the bed. He say you better not sheet on the bed, you more...

one day a guy walks in a store and says i need a urdel the manager says we have mirror wood and glory he takes the mirror
the scond guy walks in and says i need a urdel so he takes the wood and the third guy
comes in and say the same thing and takes the glory one week later the first guy comes in and says i hate you and the manegers says why the guy says because every time i take a piss my piss bounces off the mirror and hits me the next guy says the same thing except every time he takes a piss he get splinters in his dick the third guy comes in and says i love you and the maneger says why the guy says becase everytime i take a piss a big mouth come out and sucks my dick

one day a guy walks into a bar and sits down and chats to his friends for abit, this guy then gets up and walksover to the bar manager and says i bet you $300 that i can piss in a glass 3 meters away from me and not miss one bit, so the bar manager says ok your on!
So the manager gives the guy an empty glass and the guy places it 3 meters away...the guy un does his zipper and starts peeing every were but the glass he pees on the bar on the manager.. so the bar manager starts lafing and says hand over the money u=you lost the bet... and the money and starts smiling
and the bar manager says why are you so happy you just lost $300
and the guy awnsers yes i no but i just made a bet with sum guys over there for $600 that i cud piss on the bar and all over you and youd be happy about it

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.

I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two
pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.

I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no
understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss
on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me
somma ma b*tch.

Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana
tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!

Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she
bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - She
tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I
wanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonna
ma b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch.

So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my more...

Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."
"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".
The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."