Piss Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were three elderly men sitting in wheelchairs on the porch one sunny afternoon. They were ten years apart in ages.
One was 60, another 70 and the last 80 years old.
The 60 yo, started complaining. He said "I wish I could just piss all at once and not dribble, dribble, dribble all day and night."
The 70 year old then said, "I don't have that problem. I just wish I could take one good dump and not ooze, ooze, oooze all day and night.
The 80 year old started laughing at the other two. He said, "I don't have any of those problems!" "At 7: 00 a. m. I take a good piss, at 9: 00 a. m. I take a good shit.
"My only problem is that... I don't wake up until noon!"
One day Bill Clinton was jogging down the street
with his bodyguard, Bubba. Bill says to Bubba, " I
have to take a piss Bubba!" Bubba replies, " Your
the president sir, you can piss anywhere you want."
So Bill went behind a bush to take a leak. Bubba
decides to take a leak also, so he goes behind the
bush with Bill. Bill looks down at Bubba's dick
and said," Damn Bubba, how did you get such a big
dick?" So Bubba told him that he went home every
night and beat his dick on the bed post.
So Bill said, " Does that really work?"
Bubba pointed to his dick and said,"Here is the
proof sir!"
So bill went home late that night, walked into
his bedroom and found Hillery asleep so he left the
lights off. He got undressed, went to the bed post
and started beating his dick on it.
Hillery woke up and said," Is that you Bubba?"
One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.
Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.
He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you more...
21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM! EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug. ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants. CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble. SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed. PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand. DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants. TOUGH: Bangs dick on side of more...
Q: Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
A: Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?
63 Ways To Piss Off A Cop
1. When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol? ”
2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……
5. Ask if you can see his gun.
6. When he says you aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
7. Touch him.
8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
10. Refer to him by his first name.
11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
12. When he says no, cry.
13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
16. When he asks you to more...