Petrol Jokes

A man and his wife were driving on the North-South highway on his way from Johor Bahru to Penang. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next petrol station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a petrol station and pulls over to the high-octane pump. "What can I do for you?" asks the attendant. "Full tank of unleaded," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kind of car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "This, is the new Proton convertible." "What has got in it?" asks the attendant." Well," says the driver, "It has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a CD changer and VCD player in the trunk with 1000 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, more...

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.
Seen at the side of a Sussex road: Slow cattle crossing. no overtaking for the next 100 yrs.
Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. everyone welcome
Sign warning of quicksand: Quicksand. any person passing this point will be drowned. by order of the district council.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: Due to increasing problems with letter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order
Notice in a dry cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
Sign on motorway garage: Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. your life may not be worth much but our petrol is.
Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness

Real-life speeding excuses that didn’t quite cut it…
“I needed to get to the petrol station before the fuel runs out”
“I was hurrying to the petrol station before they ran out of free glasses”
“I’m a research physicist trying to prove Einstein’s theory of relativity”
“Thank heavens officer, I thought the flashing blue light chasing me was a UFO”
“My shoes have just been resoled and I’m not used to the extra weight on the pedal”
“I was in a complete daze because I’ve got a new air freshener in my car”
“I’m a member of the Royal Family”
“I was trying to get away from the car following me”
“These ‘go faster’ stripes really do work then”
“I was trying to make up the hour we lost when the clocks went forward”

These are supposedly actual signs that have been found in and around parts of England.

Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER

Notice in a dry cleaner's window: ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

Sign on motorway garage: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS.

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Santa Opened A Petrol Pump, But Not Even One Customer Went There.

You Know Why?

Because He Opened Petrol Pump On Second Floor.