Pats Jokes

IT'S A WONDERFUL MACHINE
The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank Capra Never Made
-- by David Pogue

I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the eggnog was spiked, and maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a Wonderful Life while leafing through MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night -- like a bizarre black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart stars as Steve' Jobs' Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved small-town computer company. For years, big monopolist Bill' Gates' Potter has been wielding his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years, Steve has fought for survival:' This town needs my measly, one-horse computer, if only to have something for people to use instead of Windows!'

But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front door, panicking.' The press says your company is doomed!' yells one man.' You killed the clones! We're going to Windows!' calls another.' We want out of our more...

A group of prisoners were attending their rehabilitation meeting. Their assignment was to each stand up in turn, state their name and admit to the other inmates what crime they had committed.
The first prisoner stood up and said, "My name is Stuart and I'm in for armed robbery."
Everyone gave him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing.
The next prisoner stood up and said, "My name is Dennis and I'm in for murder."
Again, there was a round of approving looks and pats on the back. This continued around the circle until it was the last inmate's turn.
He stood up and said, "My name is Louie and I'm not saying what I'm in for."
"Come on now, Louie," the group leader said, "in order for you to make any progress, you must disclose what your crime was. Now, tell us what you're in for."
"Ok, ok," Louie said, "I'm in for screwing dogs."
A disgusted look came over the more...