Paradox Jokes

If you spread jelly along a cat's back & drop it onto an expensive carpet, it must land on it's feet and on it's back at the same time to satisfy the currently held theories.
Murphy's Paradox of Weightless Jellied Cats therefore states that the cat must become weightless, rise toward your face, and claw the living daylights out of you.

50 Ways to Appreciate Life
1. Watch the sunset- on a sled.
2. Smile more, -it might get you a free beer.
3. Complain less. -It might get you a free beer.
4. Surprise a friend with a call. - It might get you a free beer.
5. Develop your gifts. - You might need them.
6. Count your blessings. - You might need these too!
7. Talk to someone in an elevator. - Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.
8. Breathe consciously once in a while. - This cures snoring.
9. Enjoy sneezes - and stay behind the one sneezing.
10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, - unless you are an actor.
11. Be unique, -it demonstrates difference!
12. Sing in the shower. - With a friend!
13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, - or have someone laugh at you.
14. Make someone's day, - or night.
15. Stand on your head. - For a free beer!
16. Stare at the world above you. - Hopefully not from under a more...

1. Watch the sunset-- on a sled. 2. Smile more, --it might get you a free beer. 3. Complain less. --It might get you a free beer. 4. Surprise a friend with a call. -- It might get you a free beer. 5. Develop your gifts. -- You might need them. 6. Count your blessings. -- You might need these too! 7. Talk to someone in an elevator. -- Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer. 8. Breathe consciously once in a while. -- This cures snoring. 9. Enjoy sneezes -- and stay behind the one sneezing. 10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, -- unless you are an actor. 11. Be unique, --it demonstrates difference! 12. Sing in the shower. -- With a friend! 13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, -- or have someone laugh at you. 14. Make someone's day, -- or night. 15. Stand on your head. -- For a free beer! 16. Stare at the world above you. -- Hopefully not from under a bar. 17. Play with an animal. -- Be sure it is one which cannot eat you! 18. more...

1. Watch the sunset- on a sled.2. Smile more, -it might get you a free beer.3. Complain less. -It might get you a free beer.4. Surprise a friend with a call. - It might get you a free beer.5. Develop your gifts. - You might need them.6. Count your blessings. - You might need these too! 7. Talk to someone in an elevator. - Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.8. Breathe consciously once in a while. - This cures snoring.9. Enjoy sneezes - and stay behind the one sneezing.10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, - unless you are an actor.11. Be unique, -it demonstrates difference! 12. Sing in the shower. - With a friend! 13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, - or have someone laugh at you.14. Make someone's day, - or night.15. Stand on your head. - For a free beer! 16. Stare at the world above you. - Hopefully not from under a bar.17. Play with an animal. - Be sure it is one which cannot eat you! 18. Slurp Jell-O. -Add Vodka for more...

1. Watch the sunset- on a sled.
2. Smile more, -it might get you a free beer.
3. Complain less. -It might get you a free beer.
4. Surprise a friend with a call. - It might get you a free beer.
5. Develop your gifts. - You might need them.
6. Count your blessings. - You might need these too!
7. Talk to someone in an elevator. - Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.
8. Breathe consciously once in a while. - This cures snoring.
9. Enjoy sneezes - and stay behind the one sneezing.
10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, - unless you are an actor.
11. Be unique, -it demonstrates difference!
12. Sing in the shower. - With a friend!
13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, - or have someone laugh at you.
14. Make someone's day, - or night.
15. Stand on your head. - For a free beer!
16. Stare at the world above you. - Hopefully not from under a bar.
17. Play with an animal. - more...