Opposed Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    "It`s good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it`s appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people`s lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national - really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it."-George W. Bush, Feb. 8, 2001 "We`re concerned about AIDS inside our White House - make no mistake about it." -George W. Bush, Feb. 7, 2001 "There`s no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I`ll never see it." -George W. Bush, speaking to Catholic leaders at the White House, Jan. 31, 2001 "I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state." -George W. Bush, speaking to reporters, Washington, D. C., Jan. 29, 2001 "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, more...

    Q: What's the dumbest thing you can do with e-mail?
    A: Ask Christopher James Reincke about his message to President Clinton:
    "I am curious, Bill, how you would feel about being the first president to be killed on the same day as his wife... You will die soon..."
    He signed it "Overlord." Sure he sent it anonymously, but anonymous e-mail is for protecting yourself from nasty, late-night phone calls, not the Secret Service.
    With help from the university, they tracked him down and arrested him. He was released without bail, pending a hearing, and faces five years in jail and up to a $250,000 fine. Don't try this at home.
    (Interned World, July/August, 1994: 17)
    Which of the following are true about Christopher James Reincke:
    Believes that Rush Limbaugh gives a balanced report of news
    Tells ugly Chelsea jokes
    Member of Young Americans for Freedom and College Republicans
    Believes that American has lost its moral moorings, like more...

    Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.

    Those who live closest arrive latest.

    Those with the best advice offer no advice.

    To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.

    To attract maximum attention, it`s hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.

    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

    To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.

    To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.

    To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.

    To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.

    The social studies teacher had just completed a lesson on war and peace.
    "How many of you," the teacher asked, "would say you're opposed to war?"
    Not surprisingly, every student in the class raised their hand.
    "Who would like to give us their reason for being opposed to war?" asked the teacher. Little Johnny, sitting at the back of the class, immediately raised his hand.
    "Johnny, what is your reason?" the teacher asked.
    "I hate wars," explained Johnny, "because wars make history, and I hate History!"

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