Newly Jokes / Recent Jokes
A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"
"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."
A newly wed couple had just had an argument coming home from the reception. Driving along in silence they pass a farm with all kinds of animals on it. Breaking the silence, the husband asks: "Relatives?" and without missing a beat the wife replies: "Yes, in-laws."
The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said "May I have one of those? " The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards? " Without a pause, she said, "Yeah! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to' em too."
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
The newly married couple were entertaining a bachelor neighbor in the den of their suburban home when the conversation turned to sexual morality. "Since you claim to be so liberal," the bachelor challenged the husband, "would you let me kiss your wife's breasts for a thousand dollars?"
Not wishing to seem prudish and needing the extra money, the couple agreed and the wife removed her blouse and bra. Then, pressing his face between her breasts, the chap nestled there for several minutes, until the husband grew impatient to complete the deal. "Go ahead and kiss them," he urged the bachelor.
"I'd love to," the fellow sighed, "but I really can't afford it."
The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee." Guess what I got planned for dinner?" she asked seductively. "And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today."
The young newly married Catholic couple were regular attendants at Mass. As like all newly married couples, they were in a constant state of arousal. Well they didn't want to do anything wrong so they approached their Parish Priest for advice. Father, the young couple asked. .. "is it ok to have sex before Mass? " The not so young Priest responded after a few moments of reflection. .. "yes my children it's ok to have sex before Mass. . but please don't block the aisles..."