Negligee Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dear Husband:
    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
    P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
    Your EX-Wife
    Dear Ex-Wife
    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a more...

    Preparing for her wedding night, the bride-to-be asked her mother to go out and buy her a sexy, long, black negligee and place it carefully in her suitcase so it wouldn't get wrinkled. Her mother forgot, so at the last minute dashed out, but all she could find was a short pink nighty. She bought it, rushed home and quickly threw it in her daughter's suitcase.
    After the wedding, the newlyweds went to their hotel room. The groom was very self-conscious so he asked his bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got himself ready for bed.
    Agreeing, the bride went into the bathroom, opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in it. "Oh no," she shrieked, "it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
    "Honey, you promised not to peek!" the groom exclaimed.

    Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it his wife's birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her.
    Unfortunately, he realises that life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realises that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young.
    Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.
    Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.
    Once the package is opened she realises that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment more...

    Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe.
    She says "Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you'd like to come into my bedroom."
    Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."
    The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says "I've got something special for you Santa. Can't you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgetable."
    Santa responds "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know."
    Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says "Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift."
    Santa responds "Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. more...

    A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night.
    She looks at her husband and says, "Honey, do you remember this?"
    He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
    She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night."
    He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."
    "Well, what was it?" she asks.
    He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out."
    She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you said.
    So, now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"
    Again he looks up at her and looks her up and down and more...

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