Move Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE SEQUELS CONTINUE
(these are all by me by the way)
"Hmm... Let's go for the gusto today!"
"Here's my ticket to fame, fortune, and Ripley's Beleive it or Not!"
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"
"Gotta match?"
"Now, why in the name of God's green Earth did I do that?!"
"We'll just mix these two together and that should...!"
"No honey, there's no one in your closet. Now go to sleep. Quit crying. Here, I'll look just to make sure."
"It's the red wire, right? The blue wire? There is no blue wire. The black one then? You're so wishy-washy. Here I'll just cut them both!"
"Wow. A real dud grenade! Can I pick it up?"
"Hey what's with the mask! I'm just visiting the hospital! Zzzzzzzzz..."
"Sister Loretta, I'm telling you, I DID NOT TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN. Geez! That's the biggest ruler I've ever seen!"
"Don't move. more...

A remedy for the common cold suggested by Dr. Richard Gordon, from the "Atlantic Monthly":

At the first sign of a cold, go to bed with a bottle of whiskey and a hat. Place the hat on the left-hand bedpost. Take a drink of whiskey and move the hat to the right-hand bedpost. Take another drink and shift the hat back again. Continue this until you drink the whiskey but fail to move the hat.

By then, the cold is probably cured.

Three nuns went to a football game and three men got stuck sitting behind them. The men couldn't see very well because of the nun's little nun hats. So they came up with a plan to make them leave. ''I think I'll move to California, there's only 50 Catholics there," said the first man."I think I'll move to Washington, there's only 25 Catholics there.'' "I think I'll move to Idaho, there's only 10 Catholics there.'' Then one of the nuns turned around."Go to Hell, there are NO Catholics there."

Stick your tongue out. Move it up and down. Relax. Now move it left and right. Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeves workout video.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn`t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I`m blonde, I`m smart, I have a good job, and I`m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I`m blonde, I`m smart, I have a good job and I`m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn`t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct more...

For Christmas last year my wife gave me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity Internet Web team in college, I decided it was a good idea to try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. I thought y'all might enjoy my journal:
Day 1:
Started the morning at 5:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club, Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about 30-50 points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was more...

There was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.
There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.
There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.
There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.
There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.
So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the more...