Mention Jokes

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    D y n a m i c D e i t y M a n a g e m e n t L t d .
    Date :- 3rd May 0023
    Messrs Matthew, Mark, Luke & John (Publishers).
    13a Sandy Wasteland Square,
    Just Next to the Pizza Hut,
    Dear Sirs,
    It is Mr. Christ's understanding that you are planning to write and
    publish a biography of him in the near future. Such a biography would, he
    is sure you would realise, be entirely unauthorised and if it were published
    in the form you suggest he would be forced to take the matter up with the
    highest authority.
    However he can fully understand your wish to write about his life
    and will sanction such a project a number of conditions:
    That the title of the book be 'The Holy Bible' and not as you
    propose, 'Hot and Salty - Our Sexy Savior's Saucy Story'.
    That you do not mention the name of his natural Father (Elvin
    Roxenby-Toke) who, for legal reasons, contests more...

    One young man went for an IAS Interview.

    "When did India get independence? " He was asked.

    "The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

    "Who was responsible for our independence? "

    "There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another. " He replied.

    "Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

    "Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

    The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

    When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave more...

    Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
    A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
    A: Pharaoh's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
    A: Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
    A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
    A: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
    A: David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
    A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
    A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
    A: Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
    A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, more...

    After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for
    attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the
    last day to drop.
    Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
    Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
    and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
    Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
    question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear
    you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
    If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
    your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
    Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
    with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
    "tsk, tsk".
    Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or more...

    When I began writing this letter, I had the notion that I would write about something positive and optimistic instead of going on about how homophobic Mr. Osama Bin Laden is. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything particularly positive to write about. So, instead, I'll just tell you that words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Osama's sermons and brainless practices. In the text that follows, when I quote from Osama, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications, and which I have edited out. Some will say I exaggerate, but, actually, I'm being quite lenient. I didn't mention, for example, that he says he's going to shower bloodthirsty traitors with undeserved praise quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "ultracentrifugation". Is he out of his mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that he dreams of a time when he'll be free to brand me as more...

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