Mechanic Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde is picking up her car from a mechanic and meets up with a friend.
"Is everything ok with your car now?" her friend asks.
"Yes, thank goodness," replies the blonde.
"Weren't you worried that the mechanic might try to rip you off?" asks her friend.
"Yeah, I sure was. I can't tell you how relieved I was when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!" the blonde says.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is more...

What did the impatient helicopter say to its clumsy mechanic?"Chop chop."