Mark Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa: What should we do? The water level has risen above the danger mark.
Banta: Raise the danger level mark up by a few meters.

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. "That race was all about competition." - David Coleman, ITV "And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us." - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3 Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1 "Marling - unbeaten in her three victories." Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV: "Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets." James Hunt, BBC2 TV: "A church spire nestling among the trees...there's probably a church there too." - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV

A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, ''Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark''. On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, ''Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.'' Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Then said the preacher, ''You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.''

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...

Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. On this particular day they caught over 50 fish. The first blonde turned to her friend and said, "Mark this spot so that we can come back
here tomorrow."

The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, the first blonde said, "You did you mark the spot, right?"

Her friend replied, "Yeah, I painted a big X on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You fool! What if we don't get that same boat today?"

After having failed his exam in a Student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you Can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If You however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the
Exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and Neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give The student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the Same question.

He more...