Manager Jokes / Recent Jokes
When the office photo-copies began to look faint, the office manager called in a local repair service. The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning. The tech suggested that someone might try reading the operator's manual and perform the job themselves, since it would cost $100.00, if he did the work. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asks, "Does your boss know you are discouraging business?" "Actually, my boss demands we explain this to all our customers". "After people try first to fix things themselves, we end-up making much more money on repairs"
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. “Pfufffff and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. ”Pfufffff and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back right now. ” Pfuffff ……….: p
Lesson: - ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."
Manager: how long have you worked with abc & company? Applicant: seventy -two years. Manager: and how old are you? Applicant: fifty-six. Manager: how can you work seventy-two years when you are only fifty-six? Applicant: all overtime, sir.
Santa Singh Applied For An Engineering Position At Deman Construction Office In Amritsar. Reddy From Chennai Applied For The Same Job And Both
Applicants Having The Same Qualifications Were Asked To Take A Test By The Department Manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon Completion Of The Test, The Results Showed That Both Men Only Missed One Of The Questions. The Manager Went To Santa And Said, "Thank You For Your Interest, But We've Decided To Give The Job To Reddy". Santa: And Why Would You Be Doing That? We Both Got 9 Questions Correct. This Being Punjab I Should Get The Job!" Manager: "We Have Made Our Decision Not On The Correct Answers, But On The One Question That You Got Wrong. "Santa: "And Just How Would One Incorrect Answer Be Better Than The Other?" Manager: "Simple, For The Question That Both Of You Got Wrong, Reddy Put Down' I Don't Know' As The Answer. And You Wrote' Neither Do I'!"
Recently, Obama's campaign manager asked him him to identify a potential running mate. "I need someone who doesn't know when to quit," said Obama. "Someone who will stick with a losing cause to the bitter end. My running mate needs to be willing to take absurd positions just to spur my thinking process. I need someone who isn't afraid to look stupid, and who has no sense of what ideas are' mainstream' or' popular.'" "For the last time," said the campaign manager, "Mike Huckabee is not an option."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996) Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Clemson recruit Ray more...