Mailman Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was his last day on the job and the mailman had mixed emotions. On the one hand, he was glad to be retiring; on the other, he'd miss seeing the beautiful young married woman he'd fancied for the last few years.
As he approached the young woman's house for the last time, he was both shocked and delighted when she greeted him where nothing but a sheer, crotchless body stocking and invited him in. The mailman didn't need to be asked twice, and the lady shut the door, pulled him to the floor, and fucked his brains out all over the morning mail. After they finished, she cooked up lunch.
While he was finishing his meal, the woman went to her purse and handed him a ten-dollar bill.
"I don't understand. Why are you paying me?"
"It was my husband's idea," she replied. "When I told him you were retiring, he said, 'screw him, give him ten bucks,' The lunch," she added, "was my idea."

A mailman walked down the street and saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of shit, had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.
The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said, "Making a Mailman".
This pissed the mailman off, he went up the street and saw a fireman. He told the fireman what the boy was doing and what a smart ass the kid was, the fireman said that he would have a talk with the boy.
The fireman walked up to Little Johnny and asked him what was he doing playing in pile of shit, Johhny looked up and said, "Making a Fireman."
This pissed the fireman off, he left to tell a cop. The cop said that he would have a talk with the boy. The cop asked Little Johnny, "What are you doing, playing with a pile of shit?"
Little Johnny looked up and said nothing.
The cop said, "You told the mailman and the fireman that you were making a fireman and a mailman, why don't you tell me that you are making more...

This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully before
beginning.
Tools needed: one hammer, one scredriver, one pair of pliers, one heavy-duty
pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of sani-wipes.
Jokes Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your
Internet Service Provider (GOD).
If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this list,
you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a machine usually located in a
locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will deliver a box of
diskettes with that day's mail messages, including yours from this list, to this
machine. Typically, only a handful of people have keys to the "mailhost". The
reason why this machine is locked up is because this is typically the best,
fastest, most powerful computer at your facility and the people with keys don't
want to share it. If you must, break or pry the door down more...

This is what you need to do. Please read these instructions carefully before beginning.
Tools needed: one hammer, one scredriver, one pair of pliers, one heavy-duty pair of wire cutters, one bucket of saline water, a box of sani-wipes.
Jokes Stop payment on any checks that you may have sent to your Internet Service Provider (GOD).
If GOD is unresponsive and you are still receiving mail from this list, you will need to find the "mailhost". This is a machine usually located in a locked office. Every day around noon, the mailman will deliver a box of diskettes with that day's mail messages, including yours from this list, to this machine. Typically, only a handful of people have keys to the "mailhost". The reason why this machine is locked up is because this is typically the best, fastest, most powerful computer at your facility and the people with keys don't want to share it. If you must, break or pry the door down with one (1) hammer (you did get all the more...

While doing his deliveries, a mailman was greeted by a young boy and a huge dog. A little apprehensive, the mailman asked the boy if his dog bites.
"No, never" replied the boy.
Suddenly the huge dog lunged and bit the mailman. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" shouted the mailman.
The boy replied, "My dog doesn't bite. That's not my dog!"

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced! When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he more...

A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going.
The maid answers the call, but is rather hesitant about putting his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of insisting, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman!
The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there's this emergency to take care of. So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.
She protests of course! The lawyer then explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover. Using all his powers of persuasion, he finally convinces her to do it. She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps and, finally, two splashes.
The maid comes back to the phone. The more...