Magic Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A guy walks up to a girl in the bar and asks her if she wants to play magic.
    She asks, "How so?"
    He replies, "We go to my house, we screw and then you disappear!"

    On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
    Looked deep into Santa's, to Santa's surprise
    And said as he sat on Santa's broad knee,
    "I want your secret. Tell it to me."
    He leaned up and whispered in Santa's good ear
    "How do you do it, year after year?"
    "I want to know how, as you travel about,
    Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.
    How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
    You have plenty for all of the world's girls and boys?
    Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
    around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh
    From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
    From nation to nation, reaching them all?"
    And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
    "Don't ask me hard questions. Don't you want a toy?"
    But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
    That he needed the answer. "Now listen to me,"
    He told that small boy more...

    Billy asked his mother, "Can I go over to Little Johnnie's house and watch the magic show?"
    Billy's mother replied, "Whatever do you mean, dear?"
    He answered, "The one Johnny's mom performs...? I heard her tell Miss Figpot that she got $600 for doing six tricks last night. That must be some kind of show!"

    An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practic ed black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back more...

    Three men are fishing. One catches a magic fish that will grant each one a wish if they let him go.
    The first one wishes he could double his IQ. It is done.
    The second one wishes to triple his IQ. It is done.
    The last one (who is an idiot) wishes to multiply his IQ by a 1/2. The fish asks if he is sure; the man nods.
    When the fish grants his wish, he turns into a blond.

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