Little Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

A teacher notices that Little Johnny at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She goes back to find out what's up.
He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he had just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy.
The teacher has him go down to the principal's office, to phone his mom, and ask her what he should do about it.
He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room. Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom," she says.
"I did," he says. "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades...somebody is going to get a spanking!"

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted the word' fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, Sally, but again, I wanted the word' fascinate'."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny is noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."

At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
"Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard."

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.""Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians.
And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll more...