Light Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.

On
Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at
a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny
new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got
there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that
bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid
a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took th
The cop said, "e ticket, but before he rode off
he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you
got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure
did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to
put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Q:How do you kill a circus?
A:Go for the juggler!

Juggler: "I think someone's out to get me"
Friend: "what makes you think that?"
Juggler: "Yesterday I received a package containing three hand grenades!"

Juggler walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm. Says to the barman' do you serve clowns here'
"sure" replies the barman.
'great' says the juggler' I'll have a beer for myself and a clown for my alligator.

Q: how many jugglers does it take change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to change it, eight to say "I can do that" and the tenth to say "That's my trick!"

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they do it over and over and over again.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but they insist on showing each variation of possible changes.

Q: What's the more...

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach in the saddle again.Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried? A: Because he's Haydn! Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A Chopin Liszt.Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins? A: A pair of Re-bachs.Q: What do you call a male quartet? A: Three men and a tenor.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. They have machines that do that now.
A2: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
A3: One, but only after asking, "Why?" ("Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?")
A4: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
A5: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in more...

There are two kids, a boy and a girl. The girl says to the boy my dad is better then yours. He runs into burning buildings and saves lives. The boy then states no my dad is better than yours. He eats light bulbs. Just the other night I heard him tell mom to turn out the light because he was gonna eat that thing.