Light Jokes / Recent Jokes
I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said, "I don't know... look around, listen to the radio...
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
A Chinese detective was given an assignment to follow two lovers, The husband wanted evidence for a divorce.
Chinese detective was giving his report in the divorce court.and the prosecuting council said," now Chan, In your own words give an account of the affairs," "Velly glood, I will tly", Me see he leave hotel, then she leave hotel, me see he go in car she flollow, get in car." " cary on Chan you are doing very well,"
Man dlive car, me get in me car me flollow mans car" Me see he dlive to small cluntly house, and he go inside, she flollow, me see light go on upstairs, me climbe up tree look fluu windlow, Light he goes on in dee room, me look through window." Carry on Chan, said the council. "Vell sir, me see he undless she, me see she undless he. me see he play with she, me see he play with shee. Me play with me, me fall from tlee me no more see".
Editor's Note: We get so many yo momma jokes that I decided to group them. Keep checking back, this is likely to grow
----
yo mama is so fat she said she wanted a water bed so she put a big blanket around the Pacifc ocean.
yo mama is so fat she sat on a dollar and out popped four quarters, she stepped on one of those quarters and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose
yo mama is so fat that the last time she saw 90210......was on the SCALE"
yo mama is so fat when her beeper goes off everyone thinks shes backing up."
yo mamma is so fat she is on both sides of the family.
yo mamma is so fat the only way she can fit throw the door is saying I got the power
yo mamma is so fat when she got hit by a bus she said who threw that rock."
yo mamma is so fat when she had on yellow raincoat people called taxi
yo mamma is so fat when she jumped into the ocean everyone more...
The answer is 10.
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Haliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the banner, "Mission Accomplished."
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along.
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb, and screwing the more...
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on whether it has health insurance.
None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the surgery later.
None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away. ”
Just then Jessica said, “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed. ”
So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, “Sir your license has expired. ”
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, “I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired. ”
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, “Jessica, will you shut up! ”
The officer then leaned over toward more...