Lemon Jokes / Recent Jokes
You Might Be A Bad Customer If:
You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane.
You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes.
You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are.
You return the coffee because it's too hot.
You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon).
You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one.
You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years.
If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20
You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you.
You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party.
You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the more...
Dear Shrink,
It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn’t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.
I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.
I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.
Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?
I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!
I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They kept shrieking over and over that more...
A woman was applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove. When the foreman looked over her application, he felt she was far too qualified for the job.
"Look Miss Carter," said the forman, "do you have any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Oh, yes, I certainly do." she replied. "I've been divorced four times."
Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon
Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
"Jaws of Life" in trunk.
The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, "Where more...