Latin Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to Argue Effectively I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: -=- Make things up. Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you are not going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1, 452. 81 per annum, which is $836. 07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission more...

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." - Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers."The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." - Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge"It's like deja vu all over more...

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people" -- Former U. S. Vice-President Dan Quayle"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." -- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers." The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." -- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." -- Former U. S. President Calvin Coolidge"It's like deja more...

To help students remember the word for "wear" in Latin, the professor used the phrase:
semper ubi, sub ubi
Translation:
Always wear under wear.

Whats an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo!

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"
- Mariah Carey "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign."I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward."Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
- Mayor more...

Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
Strange! No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?