Lady Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy walks into a a whore house and ask if thers someone that he could have sex with for $5 bucks.
The lady says no im afraid not sir. Then he replies there has to be someone here plz im beging you. The lady say ok there in that room.
He pays the lady and goes up into the room and the girl is already spread eagle.
So he poceeds to have sex with her and all of the sudden white stuff comes out of he mouth and eyes.
He freaks out and runs back down stairs and tells the lady and she replyes: "Earl the dead girl is full again"

Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.

Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.

Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.

Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.

Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she more...

In the mid-sixties, there was a hippy named Benny in San Francisco.
Benny was real hip, but he just couldn't grow a beard like the rest of the flower child guys in Haight-Ashbury (Hashbury).
One day Benny met up with a Gypsy Lady who liked him enough to grant him a wish, so, naturally, Benny wished for a beard.
Gypsy Lady granted the wish but warned Benny to ALWAYS wear the beard, never cut it off.
Well, the years went by, the flower children aged, the hippoy movement sorta died out, Benny went on to a career as a successful financial adviser.
Benny decided the beard no longer fit his image so, ignoring the Gypsy Lady`s warnings, he shaved it off.
**POOF** Benny disintegrated into a pile of ashes, the janitor swept him up and deposited him in a jar.
Moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

A 80 year old women, whom was suffering from the later stages of Parkinson's disease, came into a sex shop, the poor old women was shaking furiously as she tried to walk with her walker. She walked to the counter and asked the young man working there "Do you sell sexual aids?" stunned the young man replied "Well, why yes we do". The old lady followed asking him "Do you sell the Turbo Vibrator 2000?" still astonished, thinking to himself what the hell does this old lady want with a vibrator and humored at how the old lady could barely talk, she was shaking so badly, the man answered "Why of course we do!"
The women without hesitation quickly asked "Please sir, do you know how to turn the thing off!"

A man plans his house perfectly, down to the last brick. He builds his house and ends up with one brick left. What does he do with it?
Answer: He throws it in the air.

A lady walks onto a plain with her dog. Dogs aren't allowed on the plane, thedog starts yapping and rthe flight attendant comes up to the lady and says "If youdon't shut up your dog i will throw it out the window". She tried all she could but she couldn't make it be quiet, so the man threw the dog out the window. But the dog died before it hit the ground. Why?
Answer: it hit the brick the man threw!

One evening after the theatre, two men were walking down Broadway when they
saw a well-dressed and attractive woman walking just ahead of them. One man
turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50 to sleep with that woman."
To their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark and, turning
around, said, "I'll take you up on that." She looked neat and sounded
educated so, bidding his companion goodnight, the lucky man accompanied the
young lady to her flat, where they immediately went to bed.
Next morning the man presented her with $25 and prepared to leave. But she
demanded the rest of the money and threatened, "If you don't give it to me,
I'll sue."
The man only laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on those
grounds."
He was surprised to receive a summons the next day, ordering his presence in
court as a defendant in a lawsuit. When he told his lawer the details more...

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?""Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?""Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"