Kids Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day Ms. Nelson, a kindergarden teacher, was giving a lesson on imagination. What she would do was hold an item behind her back, give a few descriptions of the item, and ask the kids to guess what it was.
First she said to the children "I have something long and yellow behind my back." The kids suggested a pencil. Ms. Nelson said "no, i'm holding a bannana, but I like you all's imagination.
Next she said" I have something round and red". Little Johnny stood up and guessed it was a ball. Ms. Nelson told Johnny it was an apple but she liked Johnny's imagination.
Johnny had an idea. He told his teacher, "I have something in my pocket that's warm and it has a head on it. Well Ms. Nelson got really upset and told Johnny he was to go to the principal's office for being soo dirty minded.
Little Johnny then said," No, Ms. Nelson, it's a quarter, but I LIKE YOU'RE IMAGINATION!!!

When my three-year-old son opened his birthday gift from his Grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased.

I turned to my Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied....."Oh, I remember...."

Monsters, Inc. was a cute animated movie that is pretty funny, but definitely for kids. You should go see it if you have kids, are a kid, or like to pretend you're a kid late at night by wearing diapers. It's made by the Pixar people, who did Toy Story and A Bug's Life, and that pretty much tells you what to expect. Same technology, but a couple years later, so it's a little better, a little more lifelike. Movie gets a nice, solid 3 6/7 Babylons. You'll have a good time, but try not to see it in a theater filled with too many kids- they can be annoying. Especially when the one right behind you spends the last fifteen minutes kicking your chair telling its Mommy that it needs to go to the bathroom.

OK, now let's talk about the Star Wars trailer.

By now, you have seen it, or heard it, or had it described to you by a cyber-dork named C3PO4EVR on a host of fan sites. You know it's really short. You know there is no dialogue. You know that the only sound you get is more...

Q: Why did the owl, owl?
A: Because the woodpecker would peck `er!

Q: What is a polygon?
A: A dead parrot!

Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera?
A: The parrots of Penzance!

Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A: A fire Quaker!

Q: What is a parrot`s favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!

Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
A: `The pheasants are revolting`!

Q: What is the definition of Robin?
A: A bird who steals!

Q: When is the best time to buy budgies?
A: When they`re going cheap! Q: What do parrots eat?
A: Polyfilla!

Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!

Q: What bird tastes just like butter?
A: A stork!

Q: What`s another name for a clever duck?
A: A wise more...

What is a cow's favorite TV show? Dr Moo! Why was the farmer hopping mad? Because someone had trodden on his corn! What would happen if bulls could fly? You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up! What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud? A sheep that's under the weather! Why do cows like being told jokes? Because they like being amoosed! What goes' peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'? A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons! What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig? A groundhog! How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance! What do you call a joke book for chickens? A yolk book!

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Oh, shit mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops" WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?!"

"I don't know" he blubbers, "but you can bet your f*cking arse it won't be Coco Pops."

How Does a Person Decide Who to Marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." Kally, age 9
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Allan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!" Cam, age 10
"No age is good to get married at... You got to be a fool to get married!" Freddie, age 6
How Can a Stranger Tell if Two People are Married?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to more...