Keeper Jokes / Recent Jokes
> PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
> constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
> bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
> let fly -- and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
> Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
> ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him
> like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's
> unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck
> his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
> evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police
> detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that
> dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that
> time he suffocated. "It seems to be more...
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.""Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at more...
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a more...
Gilchrist and Sangakkara
The ICC 2007 World Cup final between Sri Lanka and Australia is now history and another traingular series of matches coming ahead.
There has been loads of articles published, wide range of views expressed and many postmortems by various individuals, including past and present cricketers held.
I have been carefully reading all the stuff, including our own' on-the-spot' reports filed by veteran cricket writer Dr. Elmo Rodrigopulle, the only Sri Lankan English journalist to cover the entire tournament.
Whilst thinking of all those action paced episodes from the Caribbean for nearly two months, I had a dream.
Yes! That was a dream final.
Sri Lanka captain Mahela Jayawardena won the toss and elected to bat first in a final curtailed to 38 overs per side due to morning rain. Sri Lanka made a commanding total of 281 for 4 in their allocated 38 overs. The architect of the massive Lankan total was none other than wicket keeper batsman more...
Why did the elephant walk on two feet? To give the ants a chance! Why do elephants have trunks? Because they've no pockets to put things in! Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain? To stop getting wet! What do elephants do in the evenings? Watch elevision! How to elephants talk to each other? By' elephone! What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn't recognize them! When do elephants have 8 feet? When there are two of them! What did the elephant say to the famous detective? It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock! Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants"Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!" What do you do if you find a blue elephant? Try and cheer him up!
A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said,' That's a docile old thing, isn't it?'
' No way,' said the keeper,' it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.'
' Hardly seems possible,' said the astonished visitor,' but why is it lying there licking its arse?'
' The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.'
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls more...