Island Jokes / Recent Jokes

Many years ago, a tiny island nation in the South Pacific was home to some of the finest woodworkers who ever lived. Unfortunately, no one ever found about these legendary artisans since the only pieces they ever produced were thrones for the king of the island. It was a tradition that every year, on the first day of summer, the old throne would be burned in a massive bonfire and the woodworkers would present the king with their newest masterpiece, an ornate and beautiful throne they spent all year carving and shaping. The king would rule from the new royal seat and then destroy it at the next year's summer festival.

One year, a new king ascended to the throne and spoke to his council of elders. "It's a foolish thing to take these beautiful pieces of art and destroy them every year! Someone should save them for future generations to enjoy."

But one of his ministers quickly pointed out, "Sire, this is a small island, and much of the land has been more...

A ship wrecks somewhere in the Pacific Ocean and the lone survior is washed up on a desert island. After surveying his surroundings he determines that the only other signs of life are one pig and one dog.
The man learns to live off of the island. He has fresh water from a spring and fruits grow abundantly. However, as the months go on, his sexual urges become stronger and stronger. Finally, in complete sexual hysteria, he grabs the pig and has his way with it. For some reason, however, the dog jumps up and bites him in the ass.
Weeks go by, and every day the man screws the pig and the dog bites him in the ass. One day, a beautiful young woman washes up on the shore. The man performs CPR and brings her back to life. She is so happy she says, "Thank you so much! I will give you anything you want!"
"Anything?" the man says.
"Anything." the woman replies.
"OK," he says, "will you hold the dog?"

After years of hard work, an ambitious yuppie books himself on a Caribbean cruise. He has the time of his life until the boat sinks and he ends up on a desert island. A month later the man looks out to sea and sees a gorgeous woman rowing to shore. He asks her where she's come from.
"I was shipwrecked last year," she says. "I've been stranded on the other side of the island."
"Where did you get the rowboat?"
"I made it out of gum trees and palm branches," she replies.
"But you had no tools!" he says.
"I used volcanic rocks to whittle the wood, and eucalyptus jelly as glue."
The woman takes the man to the other side of the island and leads him into an elaborate bungalow with ceiling fans and furniture she made out of vines. The man can't believe his eyes. They sit down, and she smiles at him. "Now, tell me," she says, looking deep into his eyes. "Is there something you've been more...

While driving through an Indian reservation, the salesman was approached by a very lovely Algonquin maid, who offered herself to him for fifty dollars. "That's a lot of money," he said.

"Manhattan Island cost only twenty-four."

"True," she agreed, "but Manhattan Island just lies there."

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.


232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.


233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got more...

A man has been trapped on an island for several years when he sees a small wake in the water. After a time, a lovely lady scubadiver rises from the surf. She walks to the man and exclaims, " You must be miserable, how long has it been since you have had a great smoke?"
While the deranged man stammered for an answer, the lovely lady unzips the side pocket on her sleeve, and produces a Cuban cigar.
She gazes into the now-smoking man's face and whispers, "and how long has it been since you have had a real drink"?
Again the man stammers as she unzips her other sleeve to produce a flask of ancient Brandy.
As she teasingly unzips the main zipper to her wetsuit, she asks, "And how long has it been since you have known real pleasure?"
The man scrambles to his feet and yells "Oh my gosh, you don't really have a SAXOPHONE in there do ya?"

A blonde was stranded on a desert island so she swims half way back to the main land gets tired so she turns around and swims back.