Iron Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What is the difference between a 9 iron and a Cadillac Escalade? A: Tiger Woods can drive the 9 iron 400 yards!
A middle-aged man was golfing one day, and as he was about to hit the 18th hole, he suddenly heard "ribbit 9 iron". He looked around, but seeing nobody but a frog, he went back to his business of golfing. Again, the voice said "ribbit 9 iron". He looked around again and his eyes landed on the frog. He said "well mister frog, I guess i will give it a try. i have nothing to lose." So he got his 9 iron out of his bag and proceeded to hit a hole in one. He picked up the frog and said "by golly, you ARE a lucky frog. where shall we go to see just how lucky you really are?" and the frog replied "ribbit los vagas."
So the man and his frog got on the next plane to Los Vagas. When they arrived, the man asked, "where to now?" and the frog replied "Ribbit casino". They walked into the nearest casino, and the man asked "what shall we play?" and the frog said "ribbit rulette". The pair walked over more...
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
ON A FROZEN DINNER:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
Fits one head.
ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
Do not iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
Warning: more...
A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment.
“What happened” asked the doctor.
“Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV, ” began the man.
“She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron. ”
The doctor nodded, “But what happened to the other ear? ”
“Well, no sooner had I hung up, ” said the man, “when the same guy called
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, " What happened to your ears?"
He says, " Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss says, " Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"
He says, " Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as
possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's' just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive more...
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Pete is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of' em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I get out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the more...