Invitation Jokes / Recent Jokes
A reception was held in New Delhi. One of the guests, Home Minister Buta Singh loses his invitation card. He arrrives and explains who he is to the guard at the door.
"But how do I know who you are?" asks the guard. "An hour ago, Ravi Shanker came without his invitation card, 1 gave him a sitar and he played a beautiful raag. And half an hour ago, Mani Shanker came without his invitation card, I asked him to name all the recipients of Bofors kickbacks, and he named them all."
"Who is this Ravi Shanker and Mani Shanker?" "Say no more," says the guard, "you are Buta Singh."
Rules for the dog-
_______________________
1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Ok, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain parts.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Ok, the dog is allowed on the bed but by invitation only.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.
After accepting an invitation to dance with a rather prematurely balding man a young woman wants to lighten the mood and says, "Honey, God was good to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another one."
After Receiving an Invitation to a Mathematicians' Ball:
Augustin Louis Cauchy said he surely will managed to integrate well with everyone.
David Hilbert was afraid he will be pretty spaced out for most of the party.
Paul Erdös asked: "Are epsilons invited too?"
John Forbes Nash insisted on playing n-person zero sum games.
Zeno of Elea said he will come with two friends - Achilles and the tortoise.
Bertrand Russell was wondering: "If the cook only cooks for the guests, who cooks for the cook?"
Kurt Gödel insisted that the invitation is incomplete and never will be.
After Receiving an Invitation to a Physicists' Ball:
Volta was electrified and Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
Ampère was worried he wasn't up on current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Hertz promised that in the future he will attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Born thought the probability of enjoying himself is pretty high.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Heisenberg was uncertain whether he could make it.
Schrödinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason.The best submissions:SWISS ARMY KNIFE: Male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.KIDNEYS: Female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.TIRE: Male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.HOT AIR BALLOON: Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there`s the hot air part.SPONGES: Female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.MAGIC 8 BALL: Male, because it gives monosyllabic answers that usuallyindicate it did not pay attention to your question.WEB PAGE: Female, because it is always getting hit on.SHOE: Male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.ZIPLOC BAGS: Male, because they hold everything in, more...
The following is an Italian wedding invitation:
, 2 da wedding
Rosa Mr.
What does it mean? (scroll down)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
, 2 da wedding --> come'a to da wedding
Rosa Mr. --> Rosa missed her period.