Internist Jokes

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1, 000 bones in the human body?
Patient: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't
find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober".

Nurse: "Doctor, don't cut so deep.
That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!"

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant,
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: more...

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic."What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies. "Well, what's so miraculous about it?""One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"

I just can't find a cause for your illness," the internist said.

"Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," replied his attractive patient, "I'll come back when you're sober."

An internist, a surgeon and a pathologist decided that they were working too hard and that they should go duck hunting together.
A couple of mornings later found them sitting in a duck blind waiting for the birds. Pretty soon a bird appeared on the horizon.
The internist watched it carefully as it came over and said, "Gentlemen, observe the colorful plumage, the quacking call and the web feet trailing behind."
As the bird disappeared out of range, he said, "Based on my observation, I would venture that we have seen a duck, but further tests may be necessary before we decide on a course of action."
The other doctors looked blankly at him, but there was a slight sneer from the surgeon. It wasn't long until another bird appeared. They waited until it came closer and then the surgeon leaped to his feet with his gun. Blam... Blamm... Blaaaammm...
Feathers and pieces of feet, blood and guts and bill exploded overhead. A sorry looking carcass fell more...

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic." What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies. "Well, what's so miraculous about it?" "One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"