Hurry Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive thirty-year- old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him.
Then, without pausing, he downs each one.
"Whew," the bartender remarks, "you seem to be in a hurry."
"You would be, too, if you had what I have."
"What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asks.
"Fifty cents."
A guy enters a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 shot glasses and start filling them with whiskey.
As the bartender is filling them, the guy is gulping them down, one after the other.
"Hey, pal, what's the hurry?" the bartender asks.
"If you had what I have, you'd be doing the same thing!" replies the man.
Backing up, the bartender asks, "What do you have?"
"About 75 cents!" the man replies.
A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting. Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P. M. I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry. At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"
A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting.
Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P. M. I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.
At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"
The year is 1996. By this time, the American Government's policy of
Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who
has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must
receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means
of the wife becoming a mother.
There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the
sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding
anniversary.
Husband - Well, goodbye, dear, I'm off to the office. I suppose the
government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.
He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her
nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but
instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could
interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:
Lady: Oh, Good Morning.
Man: How do you more...
Katz's Law:
Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Beckhap's Law:
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The Ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.
Knight's Law:
Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.
Krueger's Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
Benchley's Law of Distinction:
There are two kinds of more...