Hotline Jokes / Recent Jokes
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
"Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline is Nuts"
As presented on the 11/26/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN Starts out by asking, "What are you wearing?" Keeps referring to product called "Vicks Vap-O-Gravy" Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he lost at the processing plant When you ask, "How often should I baste it?" he says, "Are we still talking about the turkey?" Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten seconds before the damn thing explodes Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours Keeps interrupting to ask if you're planning to eat the bird or wear it as a hat Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas in a gravy boat He tells you to go stuff yourself
This article appeared in today's edition of the Toronto Sun. The "TTC" is the Toronto Transit Commission, and we usually refer to our subway trains as "the rocket".
SIZZLIN' HOTLINE DOUSED BY TTC
Whip them. Spank them. Make them ride the rocket in boy scout uniforms.
Beaten, but not bowed, transit officials say it took them no more than a day to realize a wrong number on one of their pamphlets connected riders to a well-travelled sex dominatrix.
TTC spokesman Christine Burkett said yesterday that the "Rocket Rider" guides were stripped from local transit vehicles last Monday after the number for a Spanish-language transit hotline turned out to be that for a local house of domination.
"It was a case of a typo not being caught," Burkett said. "Few noticed, but this woman was probably pretty pleased with the business you brought her," Burkett said of a Sun story which told the naughty tale of the snafu. With the fifth more...
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If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press-no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully more...
Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional...