Honor Jokes / Recent Jokes

One of the nation's largest soup manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with their newest Soup creation, "Clinton Soup", that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water!

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year.

When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied: "I don't know, I never had one."

If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use? Chelsea asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?" Bill Clinton replied, "No, some begin with' After I'm elected'."

Clinton's mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be more...

This joke is about Native Americans; no offense intended, hope none is taken.
Native American Indian legend has it that many years ago, before the domination of the White Man, there existed a tribe that lived in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. And in this tribe, the Chief had decided that the time had come for his only daughter, the beautiful Wild Honey, to marry.
Now in this tribe, selection of a mate for the daughter of a chief involved a kind of round-robin competition among the eligible braves to determine who was the bravest, the strongest, the best hunter and provider. From the preliminary rounds, two great contenders emerged - the fast and powerful Running Water, and the bold and handsome Falling Rocks.
The final event of the competition would decide the winner. Each brave was given exactly seven days to prepare the traditional BTFTLOOTGO - "bridal tepee for the Little One of the Great One." The winner would be the brave who built the better tepee more...

This virus works on the honor system:

Most viruses target PC's. Therefore, this honor system virus has been created to target most other systems.

So, if you are running a Macintosh, OS/2, Unix or Linux computer, please randomly delete or corrupt several files from your hard disk now. Then forward this message to everyone you know.

A prominent young lawyer died on his way to court, and found himself before the gates of Heaven. When he arrived, a chorus of angels appeared, singing in his honor. St. Peter himself came out to shake his hand. “Mr Jones, ” said St. Peter, “it is a great honor to have you here at last.
You are the first being to break Methuselah’s record for longevity. You have lived 1028 years. ”"What are you talking about? ” asked the lawyer. “I’m 46. ”"46? But aren’t you Steven Jones? The lawyer from Brooklyn”"Yes, ” the lawyer answered. ”Let me check the records, ” said St Peter. He slapped his hand against his forehead. “Oh, how silly of us. Now I see the mistake! We accidentally calcluated your age by adding up the hours you billed to your clients! ”

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why? " asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for? "
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in
high school by telling them the difference they each made. Using a
process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar, California, she called
each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told
them how the student made a difference to her and the class. Then she
presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters
which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."
Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what
kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each
of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and
spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the
results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a
week
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a
nearby company and honored him for helping him with his more...

Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you togo out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday. Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: _ / O _ /and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs more...