Home Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde a brunette and a redhead were all on a deserted island. The three come across a lamp. The brunette give the lamp a rub and out comes a genie. He tells the girls they have three wishes. The brunette decides to go first...she missed her family so she wishes to return home. POOF the brunette disappears. Next the redhead decides she also misses her family and wishes to return home. POOF the redhead disappears. The genie looks at the blonde and she bursts out in tears... i wish my friends were here. POOF...

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I said.
A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.
I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end... a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at more...

This is what we want in Europe:
1) Swiss salary.
2) Luxembourg taxes.
3) German car.
4) British home.
5) Spanish girls.
6) French wine.
7) Italian food.
8) Belgian beer.
9) Austrian mountains.
10) Danish administration.
And this is the EC's proposal for a Europe after EMU:
1) Czech salary.
2) Swedish taxes.
3) Spanish car.
4) Greek home.
5) Irish girls.
6) German wine.
7) British food.
8) French beer.
9) Dutch mountains.
10) Italian administration.

A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: An office gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in more...

AT&T fired PresidentJohn Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". Hereceived a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lackingintelligence... With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police inOakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricadedhimself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that theman was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....And What Was Plan B? An Illinois man pretending to havea gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated tellermachines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts... And These Nitwits Are TeachingOur Children?!! A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspensionunder his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoefferallegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump more...

A mild mannered man was tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he went to a psychiatrist. The doctor told him he had to develop self-esteem. The doctor gave him a booklet on assertiveness training, which he read on the way home.When he walked through the door and his wife came to greet him, he told her, "From now on I'm the man of this house and my word is law.
When I come home from work, I want my dinner on the table. Now go upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed, because I'm going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?""The undertaker," she replied.

She is proud because he has been staying away from the bars for 3 months. But suddenly, she realizes she forgot the escargot. Just as he comes home, she asks him to go get some at the store to finish her wonderful candlelight dinner. She says she'll make it worth his while. So off he goes to the fresh market, and buys a dozen live snails. But on the way home, his friends fall out of the bar and see him with his paper sack, and call to him, "Come on, George! Come have a drink on us!" "No," says George. "I must get these fresh escargot home." "Oh, come on, Georgie old boy. Just one for old times sake." Well, George is weak, and agrees to just one. Then another. Then a third. After too many, he sees his paper sack and feels sorry for his lapse, and heads home. Just as he is walking up to his driveway, he falls and spills the contents onto the cement, and his wife opens the door to see what all the commotion is. "George, what is going on? What more...