History Jokes / Recent Jokes

A school inspector went to a school for his annual inspection to check the educational quality and standard of the grade 9 students. With out the presence of teacher he took over the class and started to check the knowledge of history. He address Nimal who was seated in the front row " Nimal, tell me who broke the bow of Rawana? (Nimal kiyannna Rawana ge dunnna kaduwe kawda kiyala").
Nimal replied " Sir, I never broke Rawana’s bow, somebody must have told a lie to you"
School inspector was frustrated to see the poor standard and the knowledge of history of these students. As an experienced educationist, he thought the students should not be blamed but the teacher. So he called the class teacher and blamed him " look here Mr Silva, I am very disappointed about some of the answers given by your students". Mr Silva, the class teacher very politely asked, can you explain me further?
The inspector explained " I have asked one of your more...

As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson... 3050 B. C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times. 525 B. C. - The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women's shot put. 214 B. C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the 1, 500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't keep the neighbor's dog out. 1 B. C. - Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year. 432 - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history. 1297- The world's first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or Xerox. 1456 - An English judge reviews Joan of Arc's case and cancels her death more...

Ancient History Explained...
A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:
A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.
After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.
The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.
They probably used the donkey to till the fields.
The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.
The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.
The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.
A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.
When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were more...

Ancient History Explained...A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.They probably used the donkey to till the fields.The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools.The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea.The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people.A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker.When acknowledged he said, "I'm sorry to blow your conclusions but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from more...

The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias.
"Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars."
"As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?"
"Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?"
"Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our pricks with leaves..."

Time Limit: 3 weeks
Foreign Language: What Language is spoken in France?
History: Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law, and social conditions
-OR-
Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
Literature: Would you ask William Shakespeare to
A. build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
Religion: What religion is the Pope?
A. Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (circle only one)
Metric Conversion: How many feet equal 0.0 meters?
Physics: What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
Religion: How many commandments were Moses given? (approximately)
Geography: What are people in America's far north called?
A. Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
American History: Spell Bush, Carter, and Clinton.
European History: Six kings of England have more...

Why did the chicken cross the road?: JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called more...