History Jokes / Recent Jokes

Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didnt think someone like you would give me a dollar.

The history teacher announced that the students who could tell her the
source of the following famous quotes would be allowed to go home early.
"The first quote is: 'Four score and seven years ago...'"
Cathy raised her and and answered "Abe Lincoln".
"Very good Cathy, you may go home," said the teacher. "The next quote is
'Give me liberty or
give me..."
Jane raised her hand and blurted out "Patrick Henry."
"Very good Jane, you may also leave."
Meanwhile a boy had his hand up in the back
of the room the whole time and the teacher never acknowledged him and she
said that would be all for the day. She proceeded to write something on
the board when the boy said "Stupid Bitches (women) if it weren't for them
none of this ever would've happened" The teacher turned around and said
"Who said that!" The boy blurts out "Bill Clinton now can I more...

Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar.

Im learning ancient history? So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times!

"What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays."

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said' Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said." Very good! Who said' Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks more...

History does not repeat itself, - historians merely repeat each other.